We'll miss you puppy

I'm just going to repost the email my mom sent out today because I don't think I can put it in better words...

We just learned recently that our dog Wickettee had cancer and only had a short time to live. The Vet gave her a prescription for pain medication. We were supposed to give it to her twice a day. By the end of last week, David was giving her medication 4 times a day. Then, yesterday it was up to six. We did not want to have her in pain and wanted her last days to be as pleasant as possible. Until this morning, she was still able to get up and give us her big doggy smile. David woke me at six this morning and told me he didn't think she was going to make it much longer. I tried to get her to drink a little water out of my hand. She could only turn her head away. We tried to give her pain medication wrapped in a tasty ball of raw hamburger meat. Again, she turned away. We decided it would be best to keep it quiet and dark. So, we left the room and put on a television show checking on her from time to time. Just before 7am, we heard a strange sort of cough come from her. David went to check on her and returned telling me she was gone. I told him not to touch her because if she were still alive she might try to move. We gave her thirty minutes and then went to check on her. She was gone. Only the shell that had held that wonderfully courageous, fun and happy spirit was left. After composing ourselves, we wrapped her up, put her in the SUV and drove up to the forest in the mountains. We found a big tree off the road and placed the shell of Wickettee's spirit under the tree deep in the forest so it could return to nature.

We will miss her but we know she is in a better place where all the wonderful pets go after giving so much love and happiness to their masters.

Wickette Died today

That is all. :(

Doggie is dying

My mom called me yesterday just to chat, or so I thought. Then she says,"Did you get my email about Wickette?" I was about to say Wickette is our 7 year old German Shepard but then I starting counting and I realized she is 9 closer to 10. I'd been thinking she was far too young to die but large dog breeds don't tend to live much longer than 10 years so I guess it's not so unusual after all. Anyway, mom goes on to tell me Wickette has a very aggressive cancer and there is nothing the doctors can do but make her comfortable. She will probably only live a few more weeks at best.

I've never had my own dog. When I was born my parents had another German Shepard by the name of Jamie. When I was 5 we had to move out of our house and into an apartment that was too small for Jamie Dog so my parents paid to have her shipped to Texas to live with my Grandmother who had a big house and yard for her to play in. Unfortunately not 2 weeks after we sent her to Texas there was a thunderstorm. Jamie was terrified of thunder. My Grandmother thought it would be a good idea to put her outside in the storm. Jamie ran away and was never heard from again. I was devastated.

We wouldn't have another dog again for 11 years. We lived in apartments until I was 16 when we finally bought a house of our own. Almost immediately after we got our house my parents came home with a dog from the pound they named Brandi. Brandi appeared to be a German Shepard, collie mix of some sort. She was very sweet but she had some behavioral problems so my parents found her a new home with a dog trainer friend of their's.

When I was 18 and a half I ran away to Colorado. Well I don't really know if you can call it running away being I was an adult and all but I didn't tell anyone I was going. I just packed my bags and hitched a ride in the middle of the night with my boyfriend. A few months later my mom got a little pure bred, all black, German Shepard puppy that my Dad named Wickette. I was so mad. All my life I had wanted a puppy and my folks decided to get one the moment I left town. Argh!

So I moved back to Oregon about a year later in March of 2000. I had missed most of wick's puppy hood but she was still young and spunky. I loved her instantly. We'd go on grand adventures in the woods and to the lake. She loved to swim and she'd dive right in the water after that ball. I taught her a trick where I'd make my finger a gun and I'd yell out bang and she'd fall over and pretend she was dead. Sure at the end of the day, she's not my dog. She's my mom's dog. But I love her as if she were my own.

When I got off the phone with my mom I just sat and cried for a while as my cat, Ben, tried desperately to comfort me with kitty kisses and head butts. I'm going to miss my doggie.

Moving day

I took the picture to the right this morning out my living room window. God, Oregon is beautiful. The move up here however was anything but.

I had been doing a fantastic job at getting everything packed and ready to go and then Brian got to Los Angeles and I lost focus. It's not his fault just suddenly hanging out with Brian and our friends seemed way more fun than packing and moving boxes to the garage so Thursday was a bit of a waste. Friday morning we got up way too late and drove to Bakersfield to pick up our rental truck. If you're wondering why we drove all the way to Bakersfield to pick up a rental truck it's because it's was about a thousand dollars cheaper than renting it anywhere in L.A. By the time we got home with the truck and started loading it was nearly 5pm. Honestly I think we were hoping to have been close to done packing by that time but oh well at least it was cooling off so it wouldn't be so damn hot while we loaded the truck.

Now as most of you know I've been a little worried about this move because Brian still has that tumor in his arm and can't really lift very much. That meant it was just Jim and I doing all the heavy lifting. I had asked a few people if they wouldn't mind helping out but most of my friends in L.A are either girls or gay, neither of which seem to be very interested in heavy lifting if they can avoid it. So I did ask my one straight male able bodied friend and he agreed. In fact I asked him several times over the weeks prior to the move if he was sure he'd be there and every time he assured me that he would.

I have to say I was a little nervous from the get go that my friend was going to bail on me. He had flaked on me twice before but he had been so adamant this time that I was very hopeful that he'd make it. Well around 4pm or so Friday he still hadn't shown up and I hadn't heard from him so I decided to send him a little text to make sure he was still coming. He texted me back exactly this "Alots going on im going to try ok"

So needless to say my friend totally fucking flaked on me. Not only that but he didn't even have the courtesy to call me and tell me what was up. Only after I texted him did he give me any inkling that he wasn't going to show. What as asshole. More on what an asshole he is later.

So back to our story. Thank God for Adam. Adam is one of the guys who is taking over our lease at our apartment in L.A. He offered to come over Friday and help move and yes he actually showed up. He couldn't stay long but while he was there he helped Jim move all the big heavy stuff that I couldn't. I don't think we could have done it without him.

About the time Adam was leaving Kyle, our other roommate, showed up and helped us load for a hour or so. Around midnight we were exhausted and still had a ways to go so we decided to call it a night and went to bed. We had originally planned to be leaving for Oregon around 8am Saturday morning but instead we were getting up to finish loading the truck. I don't know what it was about Saturday but what seemed like it should have taken just a few hours to finish took all day. By the time the truck was fully loaded, we had vacuumed the house, taken a shower and gotten in our cars to leave town it was 5pm!

We pulled out of town in a caravan. Brian in front Driving the truck. Me following Brian in my neon and Jim pulling up the rear in his Kia.

We hadn't been on the road long when Brian called me on the cell phone. He was exhausted and his head was pounding and he didn't know how long he could go on. Well, we were on The Grapevine and there is no where to stop until we got over it so I told him just as soon as we get down off this mountain we can stop. But Brian got to feeling a little better and we managed to make it all the was to Santa Nella and decided to stop and spend the night. The Hotel was actually pretty nice. It was clean and the beds were comfy. If it wasn't for the damn cats making noise all night I would have slept like a baby.

We got up the next morning around 6am or so. Had the best Continental breakfast I've ever had and got back on the road. The second day of travel pretty much went without incident. We made good time and got into town around 3:30pm. Of course as soon as we crossed over the boarder from California into Oregon Jim and I did a happy dance in our cars. It really does feel amazing to be home again.

Hello Goodbye

Mom and I have always been very close. Well accept for about 4 years of my life I like to call my teen years. Mom hit menopause about the same time I hit puberty. Needless to say it was clash of the hormones for a while there. Anyway around the time I turned 19 things started to smooth out and by the time I got married at 22 we were as close as close can be again.

Dad and I have had our ups and downs but since Brian and I have been apart and with Brian's illness Dad and I have been talking a lot and it's been really good. I think right now I feel closer to my dad then I have in years.

My Sister and I grew up best friends. We were only two years apart so we were always doing everything together. Once again high school was rough on my relationship with my sister and after she graduated and ran off to Portland with her then much older boyfriend we only seemed to grow further and further apart. A few years ago we had a blow out fight that left us estranged for nearly a year. We've since made up but it's been a process getting to be close again. The hard part is that we live so far away from each other we only see each other about once or twice a year. I miss her. A lot on fact.

Moving back to Oregon I hope will give me a chance to finally be close with my sister. To finally fix my relationship with my father and to spend some real quality time with my Mom, with my whole family for that matter.

Not that I've ever taken my family for granted but with everything that has been going on lately I've really just needed someone to lean on. I've called my mom in tears more time in the past three months than I care to count. Going home has never felt so right. I can't wait for Brian and I to be sipping hot coco on our very own porch, just the two of us, watching the creek.

All I need now is to find I job that pays decent and I doesn't make me want to slit my wrists and for Brian to have his surgery and finally start to heal.

I think we can all appreciate this one

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To See How Empty Lives Are

My boss the bitch

So we were goofing off in a meeting at work Yesterday. I was cracking jokes with my neighbors when all of the sudden my boss stops and says "what was that Lori?." And I was like Oh uh nothing. and She was like, well it must have been very important if you felt the need to interrupt Corion (one of my co-workers who was apparently asking some asinine question at the time.) Nope, I said. Nothing important at all. So meeting ends and not 5 minutes later i have an angry email from Rita (my boss) saying how she knows I'm on the way out but that I was very rude and I should keep my comments to my self blah blah blah. Well ok yeah maybe I shouldn't have been talking but we were all yapping and being silly and I somehow managed to get the blame for the whole thing. What I really don't understand is why she ever bothered to send the damn email. I mean I have 4 days left and I'm gone forever. What's the point really. Hell, maybe I was a little sassier than usually because I'm leaving but you'd think she'd realize that and just let it go. Oh, and then of course she has to lie and say a few people came up to her after the meeting and commented on how rude I was being. Yeah, bullshit. Everyone was laughing right along with me until Rita got all bent out of shape.

Oh and of course the whole meeting was about how our budget had been cut so we were not going to have half the things we needed to make a successful tour. for example we need 4 tour buses to accommodate our tour guests. Tomorrow we're only going to have 2 and we've been pretty much told to just deal with it. Then they basically tell us how we were going to have to work twice as hard and do all this crazy shit to try and put a decent tour together with nothing. And of course Rita feels the need to add her 2 cents in about how we need to hold our (giant humiliating) tour signs up higher and how we pick at the food and it upsets the guest. (Which we don't) And she says it all in this real bullshit passive aggressive way.

Ugh, It's days like this that I'm not sad I'm leaving. I was actually pretty nervous today. After yesterdays spat with Rita I think she's going to boot me on out of here on Monday. Hell I thought she might boot me today after She reassigned all my leads today without telling me. She had told me she wasn't going to do that until next week. So now I don't have anything to do at work but play on the internet and make my last few follow up calls. I'm not complaining exactly. It a great time to search the web for job opportunities in Oregon but I doubt Rita will just leave me with nothing to do all week. I Imagine she send me up to HR Monday for my exit interview and then hand me check and send me on my way. Fine by me.

Remarks by John McCain

November 5, 2008
Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.
My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly. A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.
In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving.
This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.
I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too. But we both recognize that though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.
A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters. America today is a world away from the cruel and prideful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African American to the presidency of the United States. Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.
Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer in my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day, though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise.
Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country, and I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.
I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together, to find the necessary compromises, to bridge our differences, and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.
Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that.
It is natural tonight to feel some disappointment, but tomorrow we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again. We fought as hard as we could.
And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours.
I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends. The road was a difficult one from the outset. But your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.
I am especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother and all my family and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign. I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me.
You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign. All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude, and the promise of more peaceful years ahead.
I am also, of course, very thankful to Governor Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I have ever seen and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength. Her husband Todd and their five beautiful children with their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough-and-tumble of a presidential campaign. We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country.
To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly month after month in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship.
I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.
This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life. And my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Senator Obama and my old friend Senator Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.
I would not be an American worthy of the name, should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century. Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone and I thank the people of Arizona for it.
Tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Senator Obama, I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president.
And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties but to believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.
Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history, we make history.
Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

Asshole

So today my roommate finally gave me a check for the last bit of money he owed me and then turn around and fucked me in the ass. Here's the story.

So our lease isn't up until Jan but Jim (my roommate) and I have decided to go a head and leave town early. We're splitting a rental truck to drive up to Oregon next week. Our roommate Kyle will be staying and Kyle's Friend Adam will move in to take over one of the rooms. Today Jim informed me that because Adam is moving into his bedroom (and not mine)Jim is off the hook for rent. Apparently (arcording to Jim)I should still have pay my half of the rent. Ok let me say what the fuck? Jim paints this picture like he asked Adam to move in so he should get the credit aka not have to pay rent but I don't see it that way at all. Adam was Kyle's roommate in Florida and went to college with Kyle and Brian. Jim wouldn't even know Adam if it wasn't for us. When Adam moved to L.A he asked if he could stay with us so I feel like it's just a given that if we moved out Adam would move in regardless of who asked him. And really who asked him doesn't mean shit. Bottom line is Jim and I are both on the lease and are equally responsible to cover the rent here until Jan. So if someone else is going to pay part of the rent then I think whatever is left over we should split.

I might even be ok with letting Jim get away with this if he'd explained to me in the beginning that we each had to come up with someone to take our rooms. Adam is only moving into Jim's room because it's slightly less expensive then my room so Fuck, I'm ready to tell Adam he should move into my room and I'll pay the difference. Then I guess under Jim's rules he'd have to pay the rent for his room and I'd be off the hook.

nightmare

Last night I had an awful dream. Well this morning really. I dreamed my sister was dying. I dreamed she had agreed to shoot herself in the shoulder and something had gone terrible wrong and she wasn't going to make it. I remember talking to her in my dream and she was very calm about the whole thing. She was just very mater of fact. She was going to die and there was nothing I could do.

I remember then I went to find Brian to tell him what was going on with my sister and he he held me while I cried and cried. Then he told me that he had to go because he was shipping off to Iraq. This of course makes no sense being he is not a soldier but in the dream I took him to a train and he kissed me one last time and then he was gone. I remember feeling devastated

I can't tell you how real and vivid this dream was. So much so that when I woke up the first thing I did was text my sister to make sure she was ok. Of course she was fine. Texted me right back to tell me she had a little cold but that she other than that she was great.

As soon as I sent the text to my sister the phone rang. It was Brian, calling to wish me good morning. I miss him so much I can't stand it. I hope the next two weeks fly by so we can be together again for a long long time.