So I recently had my review here at work. Last year I swear we had one every 4 months but this year has been a bit of a nightmare so my boss decided to only do 2 reviews for 2008. A 6 month and a yearly. So I guess you could call this the 6 month review. Anyway, it was not a bad review per say but it was by far the worst review I've had since I started here.
At every review we are given a sheet of paper with 16 categories. Every category has 5 ratings from high to low. High Achiever, Very Strong, Meets Standards, Progressing, and unsatisfactory. Now in the past I've always gotten on average 14 very Strong's, 1 High Achiever and one meets standards. A pretty good review if I do say so myself but this time I got 1 High Achiever, 2 Very Strong's, 7 meets standard's, and 4 Progressing's. Not so great but not awful either.
The problem that I really have with this review is that my "ratings" don't really match my performance. According to the stats also listed in my review I am essentially the #2 ranked rep in all areas but 1 and I have improved in all areas but one from my last review. How on earth does that earn me a bunch of below average marks?
To make things worse there is also a comment section to my review where my boss can put whatever she wants. I had neglected to actually read this section while I was in the review but afterwards I sat down to look it over and I was blown away. She actually put in my review that I'm a gossip. Now granted I have occasionally partaken in some of the office gossip but who hasn't? And I certainly don't think I'm anymore responsible for it than anyone else and how on earth she could put something that is essentially hearsay in my review? I just don't understand.
She also goes on to say that I spend 45 minutes to an hour having coffee in my co-workers offices every morning. While I have been guilty of chatting over coffee with co-workers from time to time it's certainly not everyday and if it's such a big deal why wait until my review to bring it up? Why not talk to me about it months ago?
What really irks me is she likes to address things like this in a group setting and not on a one on one bases until reviews. She'll send out an email to the whole staff all passive aggressive like about how we should all be more mindful of this or that. But since she never says it specifically to you. How the hell am I supposed to know you're referring to me if you don't say, "Hey Lori, stop doing whatever."
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
For those of you that don't know my husband (Brian) is in Oregon for an undetermined amount of time. He just wasn't finding any work here in L.A and he had some opportunities come up in Oregon so I told him to go ahead and head up there and see how it goes. He's been gone for 3 weeks now and I miss him terribly. But I was doing ok up until this past weekend.
He called me last week and told me he had a weird lump that hurt something awful under his arm. I didn't think much of it at the time. Told him it was probably a cyst and not to worry. I said take some anti inflammatories and put some ice on it.
Well as the week progressed it got bigger and bigger and hurt more and more so I told him I thought he should really go get it checked out but Brian didn't want to go to the doctor because he doesn't have any insurance. Well finally Saturday my mom took him down to the clinic and the Doctor didn't really know what it was. He said because it hurt so badly and had grown so quickly chances are it's nothing but it is a lump and it is in his armpit so there is always a chance that it's something more. He wanted Brian to get some more tests but it was just way too expensive without health insurance so Brian went home to try and get some.
He'll have insurance with his new job in 90 days but if it doesn't go away on it's own in the next two weeks the doctor thinks it might be a good idea to have it removed. Although we're pretty sure it's nothing just the fact that there is a chance that it's something more put my stomach in knots. I've been running though these worst case scenarios in my head all weekend, dangerously close to tears at all times. I think I'e already thrown up twice. I probably wouldn't be this way if it weren't for Steve.
An X-boyfriend of mine and brother of one of my best friends passed away suddenly of cancer in 2001 when he was only 22. We were dating when he got the diagnosis. I remember him going to the doctor for a pain in his shoulder and suddenly it was cancer. When he told me on the phone he kept saying he was fucked and I told him no, you're not going to die. Everything is going to be ok. I thought he's so young and strong, he'll beat it for sure.
He broke up with me very shortly after that. He had called his X-girlfriend Teddy (short for Theadora) that he was still very much in love with and she was traveling from across the country to be with him. I was heartbroken at the time but I understood. Unfortunately when Steve's X returned to his life she was pretty jealous of the relationship He and I'd had and made it pretty clear that she didn't want me anywhere near Steve so I didn't see him much after that. Everything happened so fast. Steve had a very rare, very aggressive cancer and it spread so quickly there was nothing anyone could do. By winter it was in his Brain and a little more than a year after his diagnosis he was gone.
I had been with Brian maybe a week when I got the phone call. Of course the last person in the world I would have wanted to deliver me the news told me flat out over the phone. "Steve died last night. " I still remember dropping the phone and not being able to breath.
I had loved Steve so very much and there were so many things that I had wanted to tell him and I never did for fear of causing any tension between him and Teddy. I regret very little in life but feeling that I never told Steve how much I loved him eats at me sometimes. I still remember the last time I saw him alive. I had been at Amanda's house (His sister) visiting and as I was walking out the door he came out of his room and saw me. He called my name and I don't think I even turned around. I just shut the door behind me.
I can' t tell you how many times I've wanted to go back to that moment. I'd have turned around and thrown my arms around him and told him one last time how very much he meant to me.
He called me last week and told me he had a weird lump that hurt something awful under his arm. I didn't think much of it at the time. Told him it was probably a cyst and not to worry. I said take some anti inflammatories and put some ice on it.
Well as the week progressed it got bigger and bigger and hurt more and more so I told him I thought he should really go get it checked out but Brian didn't want to go to the doctor because he doesn't have any insurance. Well finally Saturday my mom took him down to the clinic and the Doctor didn't really know what it was. He said because it hurt so badly and had grown so quickly chances are it's nothing but it is a lump and it is in his armpit so there is always a chance that it's something more. He wanted Brian to get some more tests but it was just way too expensive without health insurance so Brian went home to try and get some.
He'll have insurance with his new job in 90 days but if it doesn't go away on it's own in the next two weeks the doctor thinks it might be a good idea to have it removed. Although we're pretty sure it's nothing just the fact that there is a chance that it's something more put my stomach in knots. I've been running though these worst case scenarios in my head all weekend, dangerously close to tears at all times. I think I'e already thrown up twice. I probably wouldn't be this way if it weren't for Steve.
An X-boyfriend of mine and brother of one of my best friends passed away suddenly of cancer in 2001 when he was only 22. We were dating when he got the diagnosis. I remember him going to the doctor for a pain in his shoulder and suddenly it was cancer. When he told me on the phone he kept saying he was fucked and I told him no, you're not going to die. Everything is going to be ok. I thought he's so young and strong, he'll beat it for sure.
He broke up with me very shortly after that. He had called his X-girlfriend Teddy (short for Theadora) that he was still very much in love with and she was traveling from across the country to be with him. I was heartbroken at the time but I understood. Unfortunately when Steve's X returned to his life she was pretty jealous of the relationship He and I'd had and made it pretty clear that she didn't want me anywhere near Steve so I didn't see him much after that. Everything happened so fast. Steve had a very rare, very aggressive cancer and it spread so quickly there was nothing anyone could do. By winter it was in his Brain and a little more than a year after his diagnosis he was gone.
I had been with Brian maybe a week when I got the phone call. Of course the last person in the world I would have wanted to deliver me the news told me flat out over the phone. "Steve died last night. " I still remember dropping the phone and not being able to breath.
I had loved Steve so very much and there were so many things that I had wanted to tell him and I never did for fear of causing any tension between him and Teddy. I regret very little in life but feeling that I never told Steve how much I loved him eats at me sometimes. I still remember the last time I saw him alive. I had been at Amanda's house (His sister) visiting and as I was walking out the door he came out of his room and saw me. He called my name and I don't think I even turned around. I just shut the door behind me.
I can' t tell you how many times I've wanted to go back to that moment. I'd have turned around and thrown my arms around him and told him one last time how very much he meant to me.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
So I was fixing dinner last night when a very annoying fly decided it would be fun to interrupt me. While frying up dinner with one had I Began to swat at it with the other when I realized it was actually two flies and then three. I remember thinking ugh, where are these things coming from? So, I walked out of the kitchen for a moment to watch a scene from 2 and 1/2 men and when I returned to the kitchen I couldn't believe what I found. It was like a scene from Amityville Horror. I swear they hadn't been there a moment ago but now my kitchen window was covered in flies. At least 35 if not More of the little bastards were all over the inside of my window buzzing about on the window seal and kitchen sink. Frozen, I called out for Jim who was playing on the computer in the living room. "Jim, and you please come here....now!" Jim was behind me a few seconds later, "Oh my god," he said, "it's like a scene from Amity ville Horror." "I know!." I said. That was exactly what I was thinking. Now that I'm blogging about it I wish I had taken a picture. Anyway I wanted to ignore them until I finished with dinner but I just couldn't wait to kill those bastards so I started picking them off one by one with our tennis racket/bug zapper. I don't know if you've ever seen one of those but it's basically a bug zapper built into a little plastic racket looking thing and when you swat flies with it they well get zapped. I made a pile of the little dead demons on the kitchen floor, swept them up and then made another pile. I must say it was like a fly massacre. I still can't figure where they came from. I'm now searching my house for the secret rotting carcass they must have crawled out of....so gross. But not as gross at the time our old apartment was stormed my maggots...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I should be working
And I am. Well at least I've done some work today. I fucked up my neck again and it's been hard to concentrate. I also seem to have some sort of Bazaar bug bite on my leg that has slowly grown to the size of a nickle. I'm a mess.
So around 2pm this afternoon I still hadn't eaten anything so I decided to make a quick run to Jack in the Crack for a smoothy. Why waiting in line I was bumarded by two boys who couldn't have been more than 20 asking if they could be my man slaves and and telling me how pretty and young I liked. While I have to admit I was flattered, I woke up feeling like a big fat cow this morning so as rediculas as it sounds I could help but blush just a little at their forwardness.
I hate being that girl that tells her suiters to "fuck off" if she's not interested so I start by smiling and thanking them and mentioning my hudband and how very married I am but this doesn't seem to phase them at all. So I get a little more firm. You know thanks but no thanks. but they keep on all the way to the front of the line where I am only rescued by having to place my order.
What I can't understand is what they hoped to acomplish. Did they really think that I would drop everything and run off with two pimply faced kids? What on earth could they possible have offer me or I them? And do these pick up lines really work on anyone?
So around 2pm this afternoon I still hadn't eaten anything so I decided to make a quick run to Jack in the Crack for a smoothy. Why waiting in line I was bumarded by two boys who couldn't have been more than 20 asking if they could be my man slaves and and telling me how pretty and young I liked. While I have to admit I was flattered, I woke up feeling like a big fat cow this morning so as rediculas as it sounds I could help but blush just a little at their forwardness.
I hate being that girl that tells her suiters to "fuck off" if she's not interested so I start by smiling and thanking them and mentioning my hudband and how very married I am but this doesn't seem to phase them at all. So I get a little more firm. You know thanks but no thanks. but they keep on all the way to the front of the line where I am only rescued by having to place my order.
What I can't understand is what they hoped to acomplish. Did they really think that I would drop everything and run off with two pimply faced kids? What on earth could they possible have offer me or I them? And do these pick up lines really work on anyone?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Hollywood
It's almost ironic that since I decided to leave Los Angeles I've finally start meeting interesting Hollywood people. Yesterday I went to Agape with Angell, Jarrell and Christiana. I've been wanting to go for some time now and I'm glad I did. The service was amazing. Teena Marie got up randomly and sang a song and a few other celebrities were there. It's so great to be somewhere that doesn't judge you or tell you what to believe. The cermon was about being fearless and how sucess is not for cowards and I feel better than ever about heading home to Oregon.
After the service we went to a late lunch and then to Malibu to a party where Kiilu (Angell's husband) was DJing. I ended up meeting Scott Caan who was selling some prints of his photography at the party. I also, very breifly met Natalie Portman who for the record is teenie tiny. I thik I could have put her in my pocket. Balthazar Getty was there was Sienna Miller. I saw him but I didn't see her.
After the service we went to a late lunch and then to Malibu to a party where Kiilu (Angell's husband) was DJing. I ended up meeting Scott Caan who was selling some prints of his photography at the party. I also, very breifly met Natalie Portman who for the record is teenie tiny. I thik I could have put her in my pocket. Balthazar Getty was there was Sienna Miller. I saw him but I didn't see her.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Another day... a new blog.
So It's Friday morning. I'm at work. I'm thinking about getting started actually working soon. I can hardly believe I'm starting a new blog. I've been blogging for about 8 years now. I started when I was 20 with the ever so glorious livejournal.com which quickly blew up in my face. Far too many people in my overly dramatic group of friends discovered my blog and it all turned into drama, drama, drama. All coming to a head after my bastardy boyfriend cheated on me in the winter of 2001. When I found out that he'd been seeing both me and another girl and lying to us both about it I finally broke things off with him for good. Apparently this made me the bad guy and shortly after my livejournal account was hacked and used to post mean things about my Friends and my self all over the place. I pretty much stopped my blogging for quite a while after that. I've started some blog since but I haven't really had the dedication them that I had before the asshole X. But this was a long time ago now and I think maybe it's time to get back into it.
I tired to blog on myspace. They do have a section for such things but to be honest it sucks ass. The whole blog format is garbage and nothing ever works right and half the time the whole system is so bogged down your blog wont even post or it will post the same blog 6 or 7 times because it keeps telling you it's not working but really it is. Then I tried to go back to blogging on livejournal but it's true what they say that you can't go home. The community there just isn't the same anymore. Too many 12 year olds there blogging about the Jonas brothers for my taste. I guess what brought me here to this blog site was my friend Peter. He is a dedicated blogger in fact he's even working on a book. Where does he find the time I do not know. Anyway, I was reading his blog this morning and I decided that I wanted to comment on it and I actually had to log into Google to do that and while updated my blogger comment profile it asked me if I wanted to start a blog of my own and I found myself saying yes, yes I do.
So that pretty much bring us up to date. I started the new blog this morning and so far I have to say I kind of love it. It does a little auto save here every few seconds so I don't have to worry about accidentally loosing my rant and it's got spell check and pictures and all kinds of goodies all built in just for me. I'm pretty pleased. Maybe here in a little bit I'll blog about some more current events in my life and y'all can tell me what you think. Until then. Yeah for blogs!
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