Seems every time I write a blog I end up apologizing for it being so long in-between updates. I guess I keep thinking I'm going to get motivated and start writing all the time only to find something else has me distracted.
My last blog was sort of an unfinished bio of my discovery of derby. I'm not going to use this blog to give you a play by play on everything that has happened to me since I started skating again but I will catch you up a little and tell you what I'm doing now.
I tried out for Fresh Meat in December. I went in not expecting anything. I was just excited to be there. I just wanted the experience. And I had a few friends trying our for the 2nd/3rd time and I really wanted all of them to make it far more than I cared if I made it myself or not.
Not to go too much into detail by try outs are pretty easy. There is a slow place line followed up by some really basic knee fall, jump and stopping drills. Nothing very scary at all. Regardless, I was nervous as hell.I thought I performed pretty decently and after we completed all the drill we all went to the Buffalo Gap the await the results.
They call each person individually within a few hours of try outs to let them know if they made it or not. I was one of the 1st to get a call. I didn't make it. At 1st I was fine with it. But as the night went on and more and more girls got their calls it started to feel like I was the only one that didn't get in. Sure, the 1st few girls that got a yes were a given. They were great skaters. We all knew they'd make it. But then girls that I had really though I was on par with started making it and that was only a little disconcerting but finally girls that I really though I was a little bit better than started making it and I just sort of fell apart.
I drove home in tears. Not just cute girl tears but ugly cry tears. I sobbed like I was 16 and my prom date had stood me up for the class whore. I felt terrible because I wanted to be happy for my friends that made it but I was just tore up because I thought I was better than this. It made me question myself. Am I any good at all? Can I even skate? Should I give up now?
The one thing I can say is I don't know that I truly realized how much I wanted to play derby until I didn't make fresh meat. If I hurt as bad as I did not making it I must really love it.
So since then I tore my rotator cuff. It's healing pretty well now but it's taken a couple of months. I've taken on a few Admin duties with the Wreckers. I got me some outdoor wheels and spent some time skating outside. I can't wait for summer when I can skate outside all the time. Mostly I've just tried to skate a lot and get better and get ready for try outs in May. Maybe I'll make fresh meat for my 31st birthday
