Still no results

All day today I was thinking we'd get the results from Brian's Biopsy at his Doctors appointment today but so no luck. He went in today for them to change his bandages. Apparently they have his wound full of sterile goz (or however you spell that) and they have to keep changing it. It's been just shy of a week since the sugery so I guess we still have a few more days to wait. The suspense is killing me. I threw up twice today. Ok, well I threw up once and dry heaved a bunch later. I wish my stomach wasn't so attached to my emotions. I wish I was one of those people who ate when they were upset. I wish I could just have faith in god and know everything was going to be ok. I know part of me does but my stomach appears unconvinced.

I've been feeling very guilty that when I start to let my mind wander into worst case scenario land and I find myself thinking about what would happen if, God forbid, anything happened to Brian. I think one of the things that scares me the most is ever finding anyone else on this planet that I could love as much as I love Brian. I just can't imagine that there is another person out there that gets me like he does. Another person that I know as well as I know myself. It's like the world is a big inside joke but we're the only two that get the punch line. What in the world would I do without him? Who would I tell all my silly thoughts to? I just can't stand the thought of life without him.

Ok enough depressing shit. Brian is going to be fine damn it. *whew* ok so in other news I've been playing this video game called Spore. It's pretty neat if it would just stop fucking crashing. I've had to start the same space level over 3 times now and it's a pretty big in fact ginormous section on the game so yeah, not cool when it crashes. It is really fun when it's working though. I love tooling around in my space ship meeting alien life forms and abducting them. yeah that's right abduct. lol. You beam them right up into your little spaceship. It's really fucking cute.

alright well I think I'm going to have me a glass of wine and watch some T.V. More to come :)