As many of you already know, my sister and I have been estranged for some time now. 2 years ago, we had a big fight. We were both dicks, but she decided that I was a bigger dick and that my punishment would be cutting me out of her life completely. My sister is practically world famous for grudge holding and completely stonewalling anyone she feels has “wronged” her in some way. Somewhere deep down I thought that, because we were family, that this couldn’t happen to me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

 Last Christmas I wrote her an email asking her for a truce. My mother was going to be in town and she desperately wanted us to be together as a family for at least one day. My sister not only refused, but wrote a long response basically telling me what a horrible person I am and that I was dead to her. I then wrote her an actually letter that I sent her in the mail telling her that even so, I still loved her and I wished that she would reconsider, not for me and not for her, but for our mother, who had been through hell the past few years and really deserved a nice holiday with her family. She never replied.

She claims that the main reason she is angry with me is because I supposedly “took advantage of her recently widowed mother by stealing all of her money and shipping her off to Texas.” First of all, that’s not what happened. Secondly, if it was true, she would be an absolute hypocrite. The way she has treated my mother since then has far surpassed any wrongdoing she has accused me off. In fact I would consider the way she treats my mother as absolutely egregious.  

When my mother was here for Christmas, my sister not only refused to join us for Christmas dinner, but completely avoided my mother the entire time she was here. Mom ended up ambushing her at her house just to give her the presents she’d brought her. My sister had no presents for her, spoke to her for less than 15 minutes before coldly informing her that she had things to do and didn’t have time to visit. My mother was so heartbroken and confused, it hung like a shadow over the rest of her visit.

It was then that my mother confessed to me that a few weeks before she came to visit, my sister had given her an ultimatum. She must write me out of her life entirely or my sister would have nothing to do with her.

 Now I don’t know what kind of sick, fucked up person asks a mother to choose between her children, (especially a 72 year old widowed mother who makes it know secret that her daughters are the only thing she has in this world) but apparently this is the person my sister has become. My mother of course flat out told her that she loved us both and there was absolutely no way she would ever choose.

To my sister, no choice meant that mom had chosen me over her. She stopped returning my mom’s phone calls, texts and Facebook messages. She deleted every nice thing my mother tagged her in on FB. My mom sent her gifts and letters and would try and call her and ask if she’d received them. My sister wouldn’t respond.  Any interactions my sister has been forced to have with my mother have been cold at best, but mostly downright venomous. 

Mom is back in town this week. She arrived last week and is staying with me until the first. Although, Mom is starting to come to terms with the fact that Davina doesn’t want anything to do with either of us, there are a few matters that need to be settled before my sister can rides off on her high horse into the sunset. 

When my mom left Oregon, she left several items in my sister’s care. A few pieces of furniture that were too big to move across country and my father ashes. I think my mom was holding out hope that she’d be able to sit down and talk to my sister this week to at least try and get her to see reason, but instead my sister seems to be on a missions to make it as miserable as possible for my mother. When Mom messaged my sister to ask when she could come over and see her, my sister responded with, “Are you coming to pick up your furniture?” When my puzzled mother replied, “No, why?” my sister responded with an icy, “because that’s the only reason for you to ever come to my house.”  

There was some back and forth after that, none of it pleasant, but suffice to say my sister has made it clear to my mother that she wants nothing to do with her, but for her to come pick up her furniture. What is making my mother very uneasy is that my sister has made no mention of the fact that she is in possession of my father’s ashes. 

At this point my mom is ready to let Davina walk away, but she is terrified that my sister is not going to give my father’s ashes back to her. She wants to see my sister face to face so she can ask for them, but so far my sister has said she won’t see my mother. We’re not even sure she’ll be there if we go try and pick up the furniture, or if she’ll just put it all out in the yard. If she refuses to give us the ashes, do we have any legal recourse? I don’t even know. I can’t believe it’s come to this. I can’t believe my own sister would be so unbelievable cruel to our dear, sweet mother. I just don’t understand.

The worst part is, I can’t help but feel that my sister is really punishing my mother to get to me. My sister knows damn well that there is little in this world I care more about than my mother and watching her suffer at the hand of my sister is nearly unbearable for me. I know if I told my sister how much she was hurting my mother, she would tell me it was my fault. She would tell me that I had wronged her and I had wronged mother and I didn’t deserve to be in the family any more. She would tell me that I had to write mom off because I turned our mother against her. She’d tell me how selfish I am. She’d tell me how I ruined our family. She tell me anything she thought might hurt me, because that is what she wants more than anything. She wants me to hurt.

     I don’t know who this woman is that is wearing my sister’s skin suit, but I don’t recognize her at all. I remember a sweet little girl that played ponies with me and choreographed dance routines to the Ghostbusters sound track and made puppets out of everything. I thought maybe that person was still in there somewhere, but now I know she died a long, long time ago.