Baby

This morning I had a message from my friend Dylan on facebook. She lives in San Diego and I don’t get to see her much but she is one awesome chica and I am always happy to hear from her. She tells me that she and her husband are going to have a baby! She is 16 weeks along and couldn’t be happier. When I read her message I gasped, literally gasped, out loud. I was just so excited and thrilled for her. After I gasped and did my own personal happy dance it dawned on me that I had never been this elated to learn that anyone was pregnant before. Why was I so excited for Dylan?

I think Part of it is that she is about the 1st of my friends to get pregnant that is happily married (for several years now), at least somewhat financially ready for a baby and she planned it. It was just perfect. The way babies are supposed to be made. The 2nd part is I am so envious of her I can hardly believe it. I’m ready to be a mom. I want my own little monkey. I’m about 6 months away from 30, I’ve been married for 7 years. It’s my turn damn it!

Ok, yes, my marriage has been a little rocky for the past year and no Brian (my husband) isn’t working right now so the timing isn’t exactly perfect but Brian has been growing as a person in leaps and bounds lately and I’m really very proud of the man he is becoming. I feel closer to him than I have in a long time and it feels good, real good. I have very few doubts about Brian as a father. He has a kind heart and kids love him. I know it’s not the same but he treats our kitties like they’re his babies (you know with snuggles and kisses) I can only imagine how adorable and sweet he’d be with a real baby.

I know I’ve said in the past that I wanted to wait until I was 32 to have kids but that was mostly because that was about the same time my mom had me. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life trying to model what I do after what my mom did and it hasn’t always been the best thing for me. I really think it’s time I took a step in my own direction and started living my own life.